Joel Supeck Inc.

Monday

Jan012018

The Year of the Other

Monday, January 1, 2018 at 12:50PM

I’m glad 2017 is behind us. If my Facebook and Twitter feeds are to be considered, it was a year of hate and scaremongering. It seems everyone’s worldview is right, except for mine. I think if I were to take any of the shared news posts at face value, without applying a little bit of salt, I would be left thinking that everyone is a liar or dimwit, and the ONLY people who hold the truth are the Conservative, no wait, the Liberals, no wait - it must be everyone else but me!

A world where no one is right and everyone is wrong is the byproduct of our cultural rejection of any sense of otherness. There can be no sense of authority outside of ourselves. When our human rights become only about what is right for me (and the rule is that I get to set my own standards of what is right for me and no one else) then we are going to be left with a world of hate because NO ONE ELSE IS LIKE ME! Or you for that matter. And try as we may, protest as we might, we are not going to turn others into people like us - because they are not us! They are other.

For the last several years I’ve been reading a Proverb a day from the Bible. This ancient book of wisdom has given me tremendous insight into myself, life, and others. I think this has happened in part because I’ve humbled myself (read: held lightly my preconceived and/or ingrained notions about life) and have entertained the notion that someone else might actually be right about something; that they may see the world differently than I do and that that doesn’t necessarily make them wrong. So it is on this first day of January that I read again Proverb Chapter 1. This time I get stuck on the first seven verses. These seven verses are about opening ourselves up to ‘the other’. In this context, it is the Proverb written by King Solomon. But before reflecting further on any of these verses I have to start with my reflections on verse 7. This verse is the impetus behind this post.

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

The only way the Proverbs (or any book, writing, or person) is going to have any impact on us is if we choose to acknowledge that there is an Other. There is far more to life than our own limited set of experiences. Most of us surround ourselves with people like ourselves and so our experiences are reinforced and ingrained. There is nothing particularly wrong with this - unless you are completely isolated from difference. The “fear of the LORD” isn’t just about being scared or petrified. It has a lot more to do with respect and honour. In essence, knowledge begins when we honour and respect the fact that the Other exists outside of myself and my experiences. This respect and honour is contrasted with disrespect and dishonour - “fools despise wisdom and instruction.” My interpretation of this line is this: those that completely reject or ridicule those that are, or that hold views that are, different from oneself without giving consideration, respect, and honour to the other - not only look foolish, but are in fact fools for so doing. This is probably where the fool would stop reading so I dare you to continue. :)

The first seven verses speak of the reader receiving instruction (v.2) and understanding (v.2). This is referring to understanding about oneself, but also about others. In verse 3 the reader receives “instruction in wise dealing” which includes a sound understanding of ‘righteousness, justice, and equity.” For me, ‘righteousness’ is about what is right, not who is right; “justice” is about fairness which is rooted in what is right; and “equity” is about seeing and understanding the value of the other.

Here I have to state I don’t personally have an interest in conversations about equality. I think no matter how much we focus on equality, or how much we protest about inequality, none of it will ultimately make any difference. Why? Because we are all different. Even those of us who are the same, are different. I think our time and energy would be much better spent focusing on the “equity” in each person. Everyone has value. Whether we see it or not is something we each need to consider. Everyone of us can and should make a contribution to their family, friends, professions, and communities. Here, another Proverb provides some guidance, “It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out” (Pr 25:2). These contributions usually don’t look like what we think they should. In fact, it can take a lot of work to uncover this equity in others. For instance, instead of saying, “that person should get a job!” we should shift our focus to, “I wonder what value that person could add, and what might I do to help them uncover that value.” In his book, “The Wisdom of Finance”, Mihir Desai writes:

“Finance cautions against attributing outcomes to efforts and skills in a simplistic way. Luck is a dominant and underappreciated part of life and performance. The lessons of finance is one of humility… The harshest aspects of the parable of the talents - and the worldview of many practitioners of finance - can usefully be tempered with humility, generosity towards others, and a keen appreciation for the force of luck in life.” (The Wisdom of Finance, Desai, p. 74).

It is far too easy for us to attribute our success solely to our own efforts and discount the part that luck in our own circumstances.

When reading these seven verses carefully one will see that wisdom is applied to different people in different stages of life. Prudence is given to the simple (v.4) and knowledge and discretion to young people (v.4). The wise increase their learning (v.5) and the one with understanding find guidance (v.5). No matter what our status in life or what levels of accomplishment we have obtained, there is always, always, room for giving consideration to the other.

And so for me, 2018 is going to be the Year of the Other. Let’s park the hate and give a bit more time and space to explore the ‘equity’ in each other. Who knows, maybe with a little humility and kindness towards others, we might find ourselves a little bit wiser come this time next year.

Joel D. Supeck |

Listen, evaluate, decide

Friday, January 13, 2012 at 1:09PM

Have you ever been in a situation where someone has shared an appalling story with you about someone you knew and respected? What was your reaction? Did you believe the person? Did you take what they said at face value? Did you pass judgment on the person in question based on the evidence of teller's account? What if there was more to the story? What if the version of the story you received was riddled with personal bias and emotions that distorted the truth of what actually happened? Would that change your point of view? There is a Proverb that says, "The first speech in a court case is always convincing - until the cross-examination starts!" As a manager and leader you constantly have to discern and evaluate the information that people give you. Some people tell you what they think you want to hear because it will make them look good. Others will hold information back, perhaps because they don't trust you to do the right thing with it. Still others tell you everything and expect you to figure out what information is most relevant to the situation. As the proverb suggests, when the first person in a court case tells their side of the story it is easy to believe. We don't have anything else to compare it to. It is only when their story is questioned, or when we hear the other side's story, that we can actually get closer to the 'truth' of what happened.

In both my professional and personal life I've learned to apply this proverb using the following steps when hearing something about someone that surprises me.

Listen with suspended judgment

If someone comes to me with surprising news I first try to sort out whether or not the person is spreading gossip or whether they are genuinely concerned about the incident being described. I do this by determining whether or not the person is interested in making the situation better, or whether they're just interested in slandering someone for some other motive. In the first instance, I don't worry myself too much about the motive. If the person is genuinely interested in seeking my assistance in how to resolve the situation then I make sure that the person telling the story was actually involved. If they are just passing on information about someone else's problem, then I generally assume that they are just looking to spread gossip about someone. If the person wasn't directly involved in the situation they're describing then I politely listen, but I don't give much credit to what they've said because they are passing information on to me second (or third, or fourth) hand. There's another proverb that says, "The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body." We like gossip because it makes us feel as if we know something about someone that others don't. If the person comes to me with a story that involves them directly I listen, but suspend my judgment on what is said until I have an opportunity to hear from all parties. This can be difficult to do, especially if it involves a close friend or family member. Ronald Reagan was known for often using the phrase, "Trust, but verify." This itself is a Russian proverb. It is good practice to trust what others say or what we read, but it is also important that we verify what's been said, especially when someone's life or reputation is on the line. As difficult as it is, we owe it to each other to presume innocence until they are found 'guilty' of the charges being laid against them.

Evaluate all sides of the story

As mentioned above, when someone comes to me with a complaint about someone else I always inform them that I will need to investigate their claims further. This usually means speaking with the other people involved. If the person is just spreading gossip, they usually won't want you to do this. If it is an issue they are interested in resolving, they generally don't mind me exploring the problem further. If, after speaking to everyone involved, I still don't have a clear picture of what's happened, I suggest a sit down with the parties involved to discuss openly the issue at hand. Generally, though, I am able to piece together what actually happened by sifting through the emotion and biases to find the facts. It is important to remember that everyone has self-preservation in mind when telling his or her side of the story. Most often people will say things that paint them in a good light while casting shadows on the actions of the person(s) in question. As a leader and manager our job is to distinguish the difference between what people want us to believe about them and what is actually true about them. Evaluating all sides of the story is part of this process.

Discern for yourself what is right

After you've listened to a legitimate complaint (not the gossip) and you've spoken with all the parties involved, you have to make a call. If you are required to act because of your responsibilities then you must decided the best and most fair course of action for everyone involved. As a manager and leader this isn't always easy. At times I've found that the person who has come to me has been more in the wrong than the person they were laying the complaint against. Researchers have found that with the advent of social media, gossip travels as quickly as the flu virus. We are the vaccines that can stop such social viruses. We must discern for ourselves whether or not the information we've been given is worthy of being repeated or not. If the information is going to help people, after following the steps describe here, I pass it on. If the news is only going to hurt people, then it's up to me to verify the information and determine whether the 'spreading' of the news is going to hurt the people involved. At the end of the day we all have to take responsibility for our own actions and behaviors. Resisting the temptation to pass on harmful information is difficult, but it's one of the only vaccines we have to stop the spread of gossip and rumors that can lead to character assassination in our workplaces and social networks.

Joel D. Supeck |

A positive influence

Monday, January 9, 2012 at 11:34AM

In 2008, my creative mother gave my brothers and me a branding iron. This brand came in a nice wooden box and it was crafted in the shape of our initials. Accompanying this wonderful gift was a letter. It encouraged us to leave our mark on something or someone, to do something that would leave the world a better place than we found it.

We are now over a week into 2012 and many of us may have made resolutions to better ourselves. These resolutions may have come in the form of goals intended to improve our physical appearance, emotional state, mental abilities, or professional status. These goals are all important and I have set some of my own in these areas. But life is short and in light of some recent events, I have given myself to serious contemplation about how the goals and priorities we set may influence the lives of those people around us – our family, co-workers, and community.

Family

Firstly, I am going to focus on family. I love and value my family, but they are often the ones that get neglected while I am working at pursuing my goals and ambitions. We must make the conscious choice to cherish our family. They may infuriate you and drive you to despair, but they are the only family you have. Learn to get along and support each other. If you can do this, even when you do not see eye to eye, you will learn a lot about being mature and this will help you in your relationship with others. In many cultures, the family group includes children, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, and nephews. This is something that has been lost to great extent in Western cultures. Although they still exist, the break down of the nuclear family has cost us a great deal. Let us not be afraid to look to other cultures for the lessons they might be able to teach us about the importance of family.

Workplace

Secondly, we spend most of our lives working with others. At work it is easy to focus on our job responsibilities and career advancement. For those that are goal oriented, this sometimes means that we focus on our careers at the expense of others. If making someone else look bad makes us look good it is just the price we pay to get ahead. You may work for a terrible boss or (if we are honest with ourselves) we may admit that we are terrible bosses. For those in this category it is not too late to learn the ‘soft’ skills required to be a good manager or boss. If you are a manager you have within your power and influence the ability to make the lives of your employees wonderful or miserable. It is easy to make our employees lives miserable. All it takes is for us to decide that we want things done our way. A 2009 survey conducted by the Ministry of Economic Development found that New Zealand had some of the worst managers in the world. This is not good news for our employees who we depend on to get things done. Improving workplace culture is almost solely in the hands of the management. But making these changes often means that the manager has to learn and adapt. In 2012 I plan to focus on helping the people I work with to perform to their fullest potential. This may mean that I have to get out of the way.

Community

Finally, there is room for me to reach out to others. I have always had a passion for politics and community service. My view of politics has always been altruistic – people making personal sacrifices in order to serve the greater good. Unfortunately this is not what politics is like. As with all things there are exceptions to every rule, but it seems that in many cases politicians focus on what they can get out from their position and influence. In contrast, community service is something entirely different. Community service is about helping others, being dedicated to local causes that help local people. These acts of service usually go unnoticed and unrecognized by the wider world. But that doesn’t seem to matter to those involved. They seem content to do what they love to do all while helping others. If you are not already involved in your community, consider in what ways you can get involved in 2012 to be a positive influence.