Risking Trust

I was reminded this week that trust can't be established without risk. On the surface, trust and risk seem diametrically opposed. Surely our understanding of trust is rooted in the safety and security. If we were brutally honest with ourselves, however, we would acknowledge that real trust can't be established without taking risks. I've been doing a lot of thinking about building community and culture where trust is a core component. Working in an environment where your colleagues are comfortable sharing their vulnerabilities, weaknesses, strengths, and passions, in a non-threatening way would be a nice change of pace. I'm not talking here about a bunch of whining, moaning, sad sacks. I'm talking about the recognition of the fact that none of us has it all together. With the amount of posturing and positioning that goes on in some work places, it's no wonder that we hang out for the weekend.

We learn early on not to trust others. As children we take trust for granted. We say we will do something but don't. We play practical jokes that turn out not to be so funny. In a hundred big and small ways we eventually become leery of each other. We start doubting that we can take others at their word. We enter into incomprehensible contracts because we don't trust that that the other person will do what they say. Pretty soon trust means safety and security, protection from all the difficulties of life. We don't trust people who can't give this to us. We go to work, spend time with family and friends, all with a buried suspicion of those around us. We learn to cope with varying degrees of trust, and we become unsure of what trust really looks like.

I have found myself in many situations like this recently. I think that because of my circumstances the notion of trust has been at the forefront of my mind. How do we bring ourselves to take the risk and trust when there is a pile of evidence telling you that you shouldn't? How do you decide to trust when there's no guarantee that the person you are putting your trust in will be there for you? What compels us to put our trust in something knowing full well that it's very likely that we're going to be disappointed by the outcome? What I've come to realise this week is that I can't know every outcome. I can take every step to mitigate every risk, but if I'm wanting to experience true trust, and by extension, true relationship and community, then I need to know that I'm going to be disappointed. I'm going to be let down by those I love. I'm going to be overlooked by those for which I work. But not always! There are moments in life when our trust in others is well placed. When our attempts to be open and honest with others is respected and honoured. The glimpse of community and relationship in these moments surpasses all the disappointments. It provides hope that we can live and work together in ways that honour the individual and celebrates what we represent as a community.

As America celebrates another birthday, I watch from afar and celebrate it in my own way. Over the past eight years America has let the world down. It has not given the world any reason to trust it. It has bullied friends and bashed enemies. The financial instruments set up by banks and investment firms have swindled away the future of others, leaving them wondering where they will turn. We are in danger of finding ourselves, individually and collectively, standing on the fringes wondering who we might be able to trust in the future. Surrounded by uncertainty we may be figuring that it's all too hard. America needs to acknowledge it's own vulnerabilities and weaknesses. But as we celebrate Independence Day, we should also value our strengths and passions. But these both must be balanced so that we can begin taking the steps to rebuilding trust in the global community. "Why should we take the first step?" we might ask ourselves. Well, because somebody has too. The world is hesitant to take us at our word. We must regain trust. We must risk being vulnerable. We will never experience true community if we are not willing to experience hurt and disappointment. What we do with that hurt and disappointment will make the difference. You never know, sometimes someone will surprise you when you take that risk. You may just find yourself for a moment in a relationship or community that you always hoped to be a part of but thought couldn't exist because there was not trust.

Comments

[Dr. Carl Florenco]

You are so right when you stated with your first sentence that reads, “I was reminded this week that trust can't be established without risk.” I feel the same way, I wrote a book on this subject my position is trust + safety = Self Separation. This is a study on “self” that asks and explains, what is driving us to accept some and reject others we all have hidden forces that moves us, how did this develop. The name of the book is The Power of Self Seperation Acceptance or Rejection. I think you will enjoy reading it.